Share: ever been angered by uncalled-for comments?
I was invited to have a haircut and coloring session at Komachi Hair Cult more than a month ago. Now, I am very sensitive about my hair and I can get all riled up at the slightest comment. So there I was, sitting in the salon for the first time and feeling rather unimpressed with what I saw. It also didn’t help that the hairstylist spoke Mandarin to me and then bluntly pointed out that I had very little hair. And while I was still feeling miffed about his comment, the shampoo boy who attended to me asked me if I’m suffering from hair loss. And that was it! My anger rose to the point I was prepared to pick up my bag and walk right out of the salon that very minute!
Getting emotional
If this had happened years ago, I would most probably have walked out without second thoughts. I was emotionally charged and had I acted without thinking, it would have been very embarrassing for the folks at the salon. And I can imagine the poor shampoo boy would be left stranded, wondering what he did wrong. So thank goodness I kept my cool and stayed put, bearing the brunt of it all and feeling completely indignant. I then proceeded to ignore the shampoo boy and just pretended to be busy on my phone when in fact, I was tweeting about the incident then.
Lesson on EQ 101
The shampoo boy sensed something wasn’t right but he didn’t know why. He finally broke the silence while washing my hair, asking if I had a bad day. Well, I decided that I could continue to mull in anger or I could give him a lesson on emotional intelligence. So I told him nicely why I was angry and that he should be careful with his choice of words. He apologized profusely and it was then I realized that he’s actually a sweet guy and the comments he made about my hair was genuinely out of concern. And as you’ve guessed it, my anger subsided totally and I could carry on a normal conversation with him. As a matter of fact, the whole hair coloring and hair cutting experience didn’t go badly and I was even able to strike out a decent conversation with the hairstylist.
Thinking with the head and not the heart
The haircut was well, fine but not spectacular and I won’t go back to them to visit again given their price is almost on par with my current salon but it was a good lesson for me in terms of why being a customer doesn’t mean I have every God-given right to throw my tantrum around. Sometimes, I need to keep my emotions in check and not let it get the better of me too because for all I know, I could have been overly sensitive. And when I do, I might discover that the situation is not as bad as I had thought it to be.
Stomping off
So have you ever had an experience like mine where you were angered by some uncalled-for comments regarding how you look? Maybe it was a case where you actually walked out of a salon, a store or a restaurant? I remember a personal story of a younger sister who was so angry and stomped out of a restaurant because she was so frustrated with a tactless waiter who suggested that she’s the mom of her older sister. It’s bad enough that many people have been suggesting that she’s the older sister when she’s actually younger and it’s awful to be told she’s the mom! Seriously, I think some people should learn to keep their mouth shut at all times!
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I get riled up most of the time when I am doing facials. They ALWAYS, without fail, comment on the stubborness of my blackheads. And the next thing they will ‘try and push their products so and so’ to help the area……And they always put me at fault for not doing enough exfoliating or mask. ( I do my mask and exfoliation at least 3-4 times a week! It is a lot ! )
My blood usually boils up at these comments because they were inconsiderate to my feelings and didn’t even want to find out if I have already taken steps to counter the problem. The only thing they think of is selling new items to me, which I really dislike.
Nowadays, my comment is that ” I have been doing facials at your place for years, tried every product you recommend and faithfully doing my mask regime. Now, you need to question if your products are really working. If it is working, you shouldn’t have asked me this question!”
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I usually will control this kind of comment if it is true. I did almost walked out of a salon before when they hardsell my their treatment package. In order to prevent that they take my hair as a tools to show their displeased, I decided to control but it did not end up well. It was from then on, I decided not to go to any salon there.
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Oh yes, and the worst is that it’s usually a look more than words, and sometimes that’s worse.
I am ghostly pale, as in Nicole Kidman pale, and there is a very tan girl who works in my salon (not my stylist). She usually gives me the eyeball during summer when I can’t cover up my paleness and a few times said, “Oh my gosh! You’re sooo white!” But I won’t tan. I don’t want skin cancer and fake tanners smell horrible. Besides, isn’t it true that Asian women prefer pale skin? That’s certainly not the case in the US. :
She’s having a baby and has to be close to 9 months by now, and I am really hoping she is out on maternity leave when I go for my highlight and cut this Friday. It just makes you feel small. The last time she was just sitting on the couch in the waiting area and staring at me while I paid. Geesh!
I’m sorry you had those comments made to you. I know how it feels. >:-(
I mean any salon that I am not too familiar.
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There was this time I cut hair at a branch of a well-known chain salon, the lady hairdresser was really rude, trying to push rebonding/expensive treatments and when I politely declined, she handled my hair with disdain, saying that there is nothing she could do about it and she looked like touching my hair would give her hands rope burns. I was so furious but I was only a teenager then, didn’t want to make things ugly by walking out, though I really regretted not doing so. The haircut was not cheap especially since I was a student, and she didn’t do a good job cutting my hair. In fact she was so half hearted she was flirting with her colleague at every opportunity. I was so angry that I remember her name till this day. Hahaha, one should never offend a woman.
When i was teenager i would be angry but now i simply smile and say thank you. So what if i’m ugly… as long as i don’t hurt anybody or disturb anybody’s life, they can say whatever they want. They are the ones who are shallow, not me…
people who work in the service industry should know better and if they don’t, be prepared to face the consequences; that’s why staff training is important, but sadly lacking in singapore.
i for one have stopped going for beauty services due to hardselling, and the only hair salon i go to is fully staffed by japanese–they *know* service, so i don’t mind paying more.
i’m a reasonable customer but run a busy life and have very little patience for less than above-average service. unfortunately, i’ve to put up with it in the CBD just so i can feed myself (let’s just say a cafe i like has less than adequate service), i can’t wait for the day when the office caters everyday for lunch
I actually hate it whenever someone mentions about my acne. I don’t even think I have very serious acne problems but of course there will be times when it’s just that time of the month and hormonal acne pops up and you start feeling all insecure.
I went to Guardians before and all i did was windowshop. The SA or beauty product advisers there always feel the need to come up and bug me “Oh what are you looking for?” then they’ll slip in a line “Come, I’ll recommend you this to solve all your acne problems.” I stopped frequenting Guardians since then.xD
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i was nearly crushed by a guy’s comment on 17 May afternoon at vivocity’s team salon. i was actually looking at the products which was displayed at their counter & this guy (not sure whether he’s a hairstylist or a shampoo boy) pointed out that i got hairloss. i told him that i don’t have hairloss, is just that my hair are very fine. he looked at me with disbelief. really can’t stand the expression that he’s given me. i got so fed up but i kept my cool.
i must admit that i was deeply affected by his comment throughout the rest of the day. i started asking my mom, my colleagu, my friend whether what he said is true. thank God they reassure me that it’s not true.
i was also offended by the comment of a SA or promoter at Clementi Mall Guardian Pharmacy around last year’s November. i was also looking at the shampoos, then she came to me & offer to help. then she said that i got hairloss. oh my goodness!
Gosh I know how you feel…I think the service in the beauty industry in Singapore is still behind the times. I’ve encountered v tactless SAs at Guardian who try to hawk their wares by telling me I have oily skin or large pores. Apparently this is a common sales tactic in HK too.
Same with hair salons where they try to sell you products by claiming you have a problem — from going bald, to having oily hair, to having damanged hair…I feel that they would try anything to get you to buy their products which I have fallen for.
Having said that, you handled your situation impeccably and it turned out the shampoo boy just needed to learn some EQ.
I get slightly peeved when people comment about my dressing because I take care to match and everything, so if my style simply doesn’t match someone’s taste, there isn’t a need to go and comment.
But like you, I realize that most of the times, the comments are well-intended.
I don’t normally flare up and walk away as it’s really just my character to swallow things a bit more I guess. People tell me I am patient.
The only thing that will make me want to stomp off is when I feel someone has insulted my intelligence. That really is a pet peeve for me. But otherwise, comments on looks, behavior etc, goes down better with me.
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Thank you for this post. More than anything, it was a good reminder of how it can be a wiser move to curb one’s anger and help educate someone else on the importance of tact and sensitivity.
Not if I already know the person.. But if they’re strangers, I’ll feel awkward but not to the point that I’ll throw a tantrum. Except when I ‘m having PMS. Haha!
You are absolutely right. There is an old wise saying – silence is golden.
PS Angry birds rules)))
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I had a similar experience at the same gaurdian in clementi mall. I just left the shop. i hate it and i a touchy about my fine hair
I get very upset when people comment about my fine hair too but I just usually tend not to complain.
I get pissed when people try to hardsell and just avoid that area if in a mall or something and wait for them to go away
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komachi used to be run by all japanese stylists..
nowadays different le.. but price remains sky high..
don’t know how they are going t okeep their customers..
i miss risa honda!
That’s a good retort! If you’ve been doing facial at their places for so long, then there should be improvements. It’s quite ridiculous that they’re making it sound like it’s your fault.
Yup…I will usually avoid such salons if their comments don’t agree with me. I think it leaves a bad aftertaste.
Oh…I know how you feel. I wonder why some pple don’t know when to keep their mouth shut. I mean you say it once but you don’t need to say it again. And she’s working there and she should know basic courtesy. The comment, the tone and her look are all so rude. I would probably tell my hairstylist if this were the case for me and warn him that if it happens again, I’m not going back to his salon. My hairstylist is quite good though…he has often warned his colleagues to be careful with their words because they had offended his customers with clueless comments before.
Aiyah…mine is always “I got something for your pigmentation” or “hair growth”. Very irritating!
I can completely understand how you felt. It’s quite awful having a stranger say things to your face like that especially if you think you’re not having the issue or that the issue is under control. Why does the guy need to give that sort of unbelieving looks anyway? I have the same issue…I don’t have hair loss but I have very fine limpy hair and so it’s not thick. My hairstylist told me my hair has been like that all these years so I know it’s not getting worse.
It seems so judging from the comments that our service people here lack EQ; we would expect them to be better trained in this area. It’s bad for them to point out problem areas and it’s worse when they exaggerate!
I guess all of us have areas where our threshold is lower. And you’re right that people somehow judge others based on their own preferences. But I think it’s better to keep opinions to ourselves unless asked…I always try to compliment (genuine) and never to criticize. Sometimes people don’t understand that what comes out from a mouth can do a lot of damage.
I was quite surprised that I reacted that way actually. But I thank God for that because I realized the shampoo boy is someone who is really just earnest and hardworking.
Haha…PMS. That can add fuel to fire!
Yes, silence is golden! Haha…the angry birds need anger management! LOL.
It seems Guardian is quite infamous for such sales people. It can be such a turnoff and they don’t know that their tactless ways are turning away customers.
They used to be better? There is still a Japanese hairstylist. Heard that his charges are higher and the Japanese likes him. And I agree that their charges are pretty high for the location. My hairstylist is at Taka and his charges are lower.
Your comments reminded me of a Korean beauty salon; they said they don’t hardsell because they can’t speak English well. So it’s a good idea to go to these salons. I guess on top of the language barrier, they are also more “upmarket” in their service standards.
That’s a good attitude to carry with you!
I wonder if the salon is the same one I went to when I was a teenager. It’s pretty well known back then and the lady you’ve encountered sounded like the one I’ve encountered. But I can’t remember what exactly she said nor her name though.
greetings from India!
I have fine waist length hair and everytime I go to the salon for a haircut the hairdresser says that nothing can be done with my hair as they are so fine! And once he even pointed out saying that i am going bald! Everyone in the salon started staring at me! But I kept my cool and sarcastically said that thanks for getting it to my knowlege!
I am so sensitive about my hair too and that’s one of the reasons I prefer not to go for hair cuts but then, have to!!! they always end up commenting on the volume and trying to give unnecessary suggestions of products and their own services.
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that’s way too horrible, Pranali!!! I know exactly how it feels and especially when we are already touche about the subject.
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I really cannot bear the most unintentionally insensitive comments – I’ve had people remarking that I am ‘so skinny’ (when the truth is, I just have a large bone structure that causes my shoulders to look bony!) or asked if I’m not Singaporean (I challenge these patriots to select a few ‘typical’ Singaporean faces). My response however is to pitch the ball back in their court. “What makes you think so?” is my usual comment, and to be honest, most of the time they cannot justify their comment and realise how they leapt the moment they looked.
I once went shopping with my sister and a ‘well-meaning’ middle-aged Guardian salesperson immediately launched a full-on offensive by informing her she has bad acne (yes she does) and that whatever she was using was clearly not working. My sister absolutely hates going to any beauty or cosmetic pharmacies due to these women hawking products based on some misplaced notion that their middle-aged wrinkly lack of hormones means that they have superior acne advice and products. My sister lashes out her negativity and lack of self confidence by accusing me of trying to make her feel bad whenever I walk into Watsons and Guardian too ?
So this occasion I looked the Guardian promoter in the eye. “Are you trying to insult her skin,” I asked. “Do you think insulting her will make her want to buy your products?” I decided to go mock-serious on this promoter. “So you think her skin is obviously bad, eh? You saw us walking in and thought we were easy targets?” The promoter was dumbfounded and my sister started laughing ?
Totally know what you are talking about here! I once went to a salon, and I knew my scalp was in bad shape – I had not had time to sleep much, or eat well at the time, and my face broke out… Then this hairstylist kept on agonizing over my scalp! Even when I told him 10 times I know, he even went on to call other staff members to dramatically point at my oily scalp and ask them to tell me I have a problem there! I was so darn close to just tell him to shut up, and show whatever wonder shampoo he wants to sell me up his arse, because this whole commenting thing was majorly embarrassing. Even if it was out of genuine care ?
ah, this reminds me of that one time years ago when i walked into browhaus to ask about their eyebrow services (i can’t even remember what i was after, but it was at paragon) and the girl at the reception took a look at my brows and say they’re very sparse; after which, she turned to her colleagues and said “look at her eyebrows, she has no eyebrows!” and they turned to stare at me like a zoo exhibit. furthermore, she had to cheek to try to sell me their brow restoration or whatever service–of course i didn’t take it up. to this day, i avoid browhaus unless i badly need a trim and there’s one around the corner. obviously, if i have perfect brows, i wouldn’t be at your salon seeking help. this episode actually takes the cake of all the shitty service experiences i’ve had
that said, i walked into its affiliated shop, strip paragon, practically just next door right after the above episode and they served me so well, i’m still with the same therapist now, that’s many years later
Well I never had many problems with SAs. Thank god! I really do dislike bad service or SAs who keep following and eyeing me. It makes me uncomfortable to look at the products.
The only bad experience I had was at at a hair salon where the colorist there kept saying about how my hair is damaged and showing it to me and literally talking for what seemed like an hour while all the other hairdressers kept staring at us. It was awkward and I felt really paranoid about my hair afterwards but I ended up not buying anything there. Willpower! I do love their service though. I am very pain sensitive regarding my scalp and they are extremely gentle. But I don’t go there often because although their gentle the haircut I did there kinda failed and their hardselling and the amazing lady that did my eyebrows there (tweezer but no pain!) went away because they were too strict. =(
I get riled up when I didn’t get the after sales support after the purchase made. Tupperware touted it’s good quality seals and lifetime replaceable covers. Sounds good right? Imagine my surprise when one of the seal I wanted to replace mid of this month, I have to wait till July. Another water bottle, I actually have to pay to send back to it’s hq and wait 3 weeks for them to decide whether or not to replace it. When I call their 1300 numbers, I couldn’t get through. I was so frustrated. Now, I am swearing off Tupperware.
Pranali: That’s very rude of the person who passed that comment! I really would avoid going back because it’s demoralizing.
It seems they just always have something to say. I wish they’ll just focus on how to make us look better despite whatever faults there are. That’s their job isn’t it?
That’s a good retort. People really need to guard their own words before they shoot from their hips.
It’s good you voice out for your sis! I think some people just need to be told off. Yes, they can sell their stuff but instead of using such tactless approach, they should just approach their subjects by being more mindful of how they phrase their pitch. It’s not hard and people who need some help will appreciate such approaches.
@AngmoGirl: He asked others to look at your scalp? That’s quite horrid! That, I cannot take it. And this reminded me of this staff at another salon who did the same and the way she pointed to my scalp condition, she made me feel like I was at fault.
Sounds like she exaggerated and that’s very annoying. Some people are just negative especially when it comes to other people. Tsk tsk.
Tupperware? I haven’t used any of their stuff though…they’re supposed to be good quality but I suppose it may not be the case for their service.
Statements like “It also didn’t help that the hairstylist spoke Mandarin to me… “, does not exhibit diversity and inclusiveness. Please reflect on it. Thanks!
I expect an upmarket establishment in Orchard Road to speak my language of preference. The fact that they choose to speak to me in their own language reflects that they’re not diverse and inclusive. LOL.
I normally give a person/establishment 3 strikes before I wave my flag. Some people can be tactless unintentionally, while others just carry this negative, insensitive vibe that’s uncomfortable to be with.
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In Europe, the kings’ always have had “royal approved suppliers”, or suppliers that they would use over other services, as long as they held their excellence in their field for customer service and quality.
For the modern person, too many people let their standards slide, choosing hair salons and other services / products that do not meet their own quality standards.
I personally think it is important to find your own “royal approved supplier”, whatever the field or product area, and be willing to change suppliers, because personnel sometimes change (always let the owner know why you are unsatisfied with their service).
Three chances? I won’t because I’m paying for the service and if they turn me off once, I’m unlikely to visit again.
I agree. I expect to be treated at least decently when I pay for the service. There are many choices and I really don’t see why we should accept anything lower than our expectations. Having said that, if the service provider didn’t cause the unhappiness intentionally and they do apologize for it, I’ll be more forgiving.
please ask her what she’s looking at…if she asks “why so pale?” ask her “why so orange?” OR you could act like it is a compliment. I’d be like THANK YOU because no random thoughtless, fool will make me feel bad about what I am. Hopefully it will shut her up because you dont deserve walking around feeling bad for who you arepeople act like they were raised by wolves sometimes….
I hate cutting my hair !
I always get comments about how little hair I have despite being this young! Its I have been hearing this comment for a few years now.. I’m only 18 ?
I was so angry once i yelled at the guy who was washing my hair and then walked out.. ( I paid first before walking out LOL.. )
Since then i only cut my hair once a few months :/ to avoid such “incident”.
Hope that I won’t even encounter this kind of service anymore.
Once I went to have my haircut at Art Coiffure in JB. The hair stylists and shampoo boys spoke to me in Mandarin and since my Mandarin is poor, I just told them that I do not speak Mandarin. What happened next was the shampoo boys pointing and criticizing me in Mandarin because they thought that I don’t understand a single word of Mandarin! I was really angry but I just kept my cool. Luckily there was a kind Sabahan girl who tried her best to converse in English with me otherwise I would have gone mad and scolded the workers. I really hate those Chinese-educated people who only mixed with their own kind and end up being racist and cannot accept people who are different from them.
Oh hi, this post has brought back so many unpleasant memories fro me esp those that i have just kept to myself as sometimes these type of things sounds like whining or overly sensitive as my mom would say to me when i decide to share some horrid exp. I agree Emotional Intelligence is important and many people lack it esp those working in the service industry be it Europe or Asia. When i was studying in the UK , i went to the Dior cosmetic counter at Debenhams and saw the SA wearing a very pretty pink lipstick. Being a complete noob in makeup i asked her if i could try that color and if she could show me how to apply lipstick. I could see she was just not bothered to serve me as i dont look the ‘rich, high paying customer’ part and that i was asian and she a blonde european. She hardly smiled at me and drew a quick line on my lips and just walked off. It was not even properly drawn with the lines going out of my lip line as if she deliberately “crayon’d” my lips. I was so unhappy and walked off w/o purchasing. Another one that i frequently get esp from those uneducated, crude, downright rude “aunties” that always like to pass judgement on others and only think they are the best is the “tsk tsk you are toooo skinnyyy, sooo skinny, never eat ah + the disgusted look”..Hello i am not anorexic nor am i purposely starving myself and dieting, i am just naturally born with a small frame and have always been skinny despite the tones of food that i eat!! Since i was adopted , maybe my original mum didnt take any nutrients or take good care of her pregnant health hence my small frame!!!! Makes me so mad, i have not retorted back due to respect for elders but i think one day i might just lose it and all hell will break lose..haha…I mean passing comments about a person’s body weight fat or skinny, is plain rude, disrespectful and very inconsiderate. Some people just have to be school-ed again ;(
I feel what you’re saying. The world is so full of people wanting to pound negative comments on others. They actually need to have their brains “washed” and their tongues “cleansed”. They don’t even stopped to think what kind of damage their words do. And speaking about your experience with the Dior SA, this is one of the reasons I avoid such counters. They’re always sizing people up with their snooty eyes.
Woah, that’s horrible! I admired your cool for I would have just stormed out cos that’s totally unacceptable to me. What kind of service attitude do these people have? Zero I suppose!
Ah…I know how you feel. And they are taking advantage and bullying you because you’re young! I wish people would learn to keep their mouth shut when they have nothing better to say. I was telling my regular hairstylist about this incident and he was so angry because he has been teaching his assistant to have better EQ.
Hi Seasme, saw yr experience with Komachi. Mine with them, as recommended by lots who had tried their stylist, Frank Zuo. So I decided to give it a try. OMG!!! I regretted it!!! Yes, I also got very ‘rude’ comment like my forehead very wide and high and I’ve got egg shape head bla..bla…
Worst of it all, I was told not to move during the process, which I hardly moved!!! I had curly hair and I told the stylist that I just wanted a root perm and trim. Guess what?! He rebounded my hair!!! I was feeling a little fishy in the midst and tried to asked questions but he just said that it’s part of the process and I thought he knows what he’s doing. I think NOT!!!! And he layered so much of my hair and it’s so straight now that whenever I see myself, I wanted to cry. My long hair is being treated to harsh chemical treatment and before I left, he commented that my hair is too dry. OMG!!!! He did the damage and had the cheek to say that. I was furious but I had to hold my cool!!! Readers out there, pls be careful what you read for recommendation for stylist as most of them are either paid to recommend them on the internet or they’re friends of their, as I was told. Anyway, now I don’t know what to do as this rebounding had damaged my hair badly and for the next 6 months, I’m not suppose to do anything to it!!!! I’m so so PISSED!!!!
Oh dear, that was bad. He didn’t gave me a bad cut but it was neither anything to rave about either. But I think he’s pretty tactless. I’m not sure if he’s still around because they recently invited me to try with another hair stylist but I said no.
Well, at least he didn’t damaged yr hair. Just read thru my posting, discovered I mis-spelled ‘rebonding’. Hehe… Sorry! I would never go back or even recommend anyone to try Komachi. Why pay so much, in my case, I paid $350 for his wrong doings!!! Plus senseless and rude remarks. Better head back to my previous stylist at Taka. Won’t dare try new stylist for a long time. Now gotta nurse my damaged hair back to health and of course I look weird with such flat, layered hair ( my hair texture is very fine).
$350? Wow! That’s a huge amount! I can understand why you’re so angry. I would too. My hairstylist is also at Taka – Chez Vous at level 5.